本来嘛。                                                                        多严肃的气氛？                                                                        我也是听的正准备破口大骂之时，他蹦跶出了这么一句，惊得我差点一口老血没吐出来！                                                                        就好比孙悟空带着猪八戒去花果山取经时碰到玉皇大帝正在和菩萨啪啪啪的这种刺激大事般的坑。                                                                        “花你妈逼！”                                                                        我一把抓起旁边的小青差点砸过去。                                                                        嘛。                                                                        这妞怕砸死，还是住手了！                                                                        现在                                                                        唉，我还是整理下思绪吧。                                                                        唔。                                                                        首先我得到了个神奇的系统，结果给我的系统老头跟俺说要去宰了同样拥有系统的家伙，如果不宰了，那自己就要被宰。做升级提升战斗力打怪泡妞升级，这就是我现在唯一该做的事情？                                                                        好了。                                                                        我明白了。                                                                        原来是如此！                                                                        “这特么的老子进科幻电视剧了？”我一脸无奈。                                                                        “叮系统提示。宠物小青由于在主人身边玩耍太过欢乐，等级提升+1！”                                                                        哗！                                                                        小青身上闪过一道黄光。                                                                        升级了！                                                                        “”                                                                        我不想吐槽                                                                        太欢乐                                                                        宠物：小青。                                                                        种族：狐狸。                                                                        等级：1                                                                        性别：女                                                                        心性：调皮，淘气，可爱。                                                                        对玩家好感程度：。                                                                        战斗力：4                                                                        技能：无。                                                                        装备：无。                                                                        不过之后我傻眼了！                                                                        看了下宠物系统，战斗力一瞬间飙升的比我牛b？！                                                                        开神马国际玩笑！                                                                        “小青，打我一拳看看！”我望着这小妮子。                                                                        “啊丫，小青不敢打！”她楚楚可怜的看着我。                                                                        “没事，我让你打！”                                                                        “真的呀？”                                                                        “真的！”                                                                        “砰！”                                                                        她一拳对着我脸蛋砸了过来。                                                                        咚！                                                                        我像是被一个壮汉打了一拳般，直接撞倒了背后的桌子，差点没把我打成肾虚。                                                                        “丫，小青见过犯贱的，没见过主人这么犯贱的竟然要人打你”小青是嘟着嘴，看着我像是在看一只很神奇的草原马！                                                                        成！                                                                        这一拳是打的好！                                                                        我犯贱。                                                                        我犯贱还不成吗？                                                                        我勒个去，这特么的宠物牛叉到这种地步了？？一瞬间升级飙升了战斗力，光个小女娃就能把我打成这样？                                                                        不过。                                                                        我记得那老头子说，普通人的战斗力是3。                                                                        而我现在战斗力因为体质改变变成了3，小青就比我强大了1点了。                                                                        光是一点就这么厉害，要是我十多点战斗力岂不是可以完虐那个逗逼萱了！？                                                                        对!                                                                        我该强化战斗力才是啊！                                                                        对了，这打游戏不都是要穿装备就牛b吗？这新手套装是要1剧情点才能换，那我现在岂不是要先做任务了？                                                                        但。                                                                        想到那个要杀人                                                                        我不由得沉默了下来。                                                                        老子是三好良民啊不过，死道友不死贫道的精神早在我身上发扬光大了，既然如此，那我先杀人好了                                                                        “咦小青你怎么变大了？”不过突然，我看了小青一眼，这妞突然像是吃了伟哥一样，像长大了一两岁！                                                                        “哦，小青升一级就会长一岁，到二十级的时候模样就不变了！”她这样道。                                                                        厄。                                                                        我草！                                                                        萝莉养成计划！                                                                        一瞬间，我想到了这个美妙的词语！                                                                        看着这小妮子，我眼神中立刻流露出疼爱有加的神色，必须得想办法给她升到二十级才是啊！                                                                        “咚咚”                                                                        不过这时。                                                                        突然有人敲门了。                                                                        “欧尼酱，出来吃饭了，你还没被打死吧？”                                                                        是林瑶。                                                                        等等                                                                        丫的。                                                                        完蛋了，这小妮子还在我床上呢！                                                                        “你可以变回空间里面去吗？”我连忙看向这小青。                                                                        既然是突然出现的宠物，应该能回去吧！                                                                        “丫，小青不想回去！”她委屈的看着我。                                                                        这是一副我见犹怜，垂泪欲滴的可怜神色啊。                                                                        好。                                                                        她可以回去。                                                                        可惜。                                                                        为了自己的贞洁，这小妞装可爱还是先无视吧。                                                                        强拉硬扯狂忽悠，最终大吼一句“回来吧，皮卡丘！”她这才乖乖的回去了空间。                                                                        “啊，我来了！”                                                                        我连忙爬起来去开门。                                                                        “怎么这么久？你不会在打灰机吧？”林瑶见我现在才来开门，当即把头凑进我房间嗅了嗅。                                                                        打飞机！                                                                        我打你大爷。                                                                        不对。                                                                        那也是我大爷                                                                        “下去吃饭！”                                                                        我拉着她就下楼了。                                                                        好了。                                                                        餐桌。                                                                        “能告诉我林瑶，你今天是在做什么菜吗？”我嘴角抽了抽，看着桌子上这神奇的黑暗料理，不自觉的咽了口口水。                                                                        “今天是我做的菜，你说一三五我做，今天周五！”陈瑾萱在旁边开口。                                                                        我沉默了。                                                                        “欧尼酱，今天可是你妹我指导的，放心！”我妹拍了拍我肩膀。                                                                        妈的。                                                                        我很想喊一句，人要珍视生命啊                                                                        但看了看那陈瑾萱那副认真做了，像是在讨好我这个家主的神色，我也是叹了口气。                                                                        “成，我吃！”                                                                        虽然这逗逼萱看起来脾气暴躁。                                                                        但想了想。                                                                        这的确都是我的错不对，是系统的错。                                                                        所以。                                                                        以后都是我家成员了，大家还是和乐相处为好！                                                                        “咔！”                                                                        我夹起一根黑黑的东西放进嘴里，一瞬间感觉自己中了鹤顶红了。                                                                        “欧尼酱”                                                                        林瑶柔情的看着我，像是在说给点面子。                                                                        “这这薯条不脆！”我勉强一笑。                                                                        “那是萝卜块！”                                                                        “”                                                                        第一次吃到可以一口咬碎的萝卜块，好神奇！                                                                        “嗯，我知道，做个比较！”                                                                        我勉强点头。                                                                        于是乎。                                                                        我夹起一条长长的东西。                                                                        嘛。                                                                        为了鼓励她的信心，我觉得这东西我绝对认得出来。                                                                        放进嘴里，我嚼了起来。                                                                        脸绿了！                                                                        “这空心菜不错，有嚼头！”我点头“比我妹煮的好多了！”                                                                        “欧尼酱，那是面条！”                                                                        “”                                                                        更神奇了！                                                                        我也是第一次吃到这么神奇的面条还咬不断的！                                                                        “你丫的到底有没有指导？”我差点掀桌子了。                                                                        “我和你妹说要我自己做，没要她指导！”                                                                        陈瑾萱冷下了脸“不爱吃拉倒，我自己吃！”                                                                        “不是”我连忙干笑“我是觉得人命第一”                                                                        “切！会很难吃吗？”                                                                        陈瑾萱毫不介意的拿起勺子钥了一口汤喝了进去。                                                                        嗯。                                                                        她比我刚才吃的菜都还神奇。                                                                        先是脸色一白，接着铁青，旋即一绿，最后一黑。                                                                        砰！                                                                        倒地了！                                                                        “我说了，人要注重生命！”我看着她，无奈的叹了口气。                                                                        “我我下次会努力的！”她爬了起来“不会白住你们家！”                                                                        “还有下次！？”                                                                        我差点惊呆了！                                                                        “怎么？”她冷冷扫了我一眼。                                                                        “不是，我说我爸妈让你住我家，怎么能让你干苦力呢？”我干笑“其他的你来做可以，但做饭这种大事交给我妹吧！”                                                                        说着，我很用力的拍了拍林瑶的肩膀。                                                                        “欧尼酱！”                                                                        我妹瞪了我一眼“我绝对不是你亲妹！”                                                                        废话。                                                                        你他妈要是我亲妹我会这么辛苦你吗？                                                                        “对了，欧尼酱，这次高考如何？”我妹边说，边打开电视，准备看新闻。                                                                        高考？                                                                        我张嘴。                                                                        老子敢说自己撕了老师丝袜被打回家了吗？                                                                        “v报导，v报导！”                                                                        “今日高考出现奇葩事件：学生当场撕开教师丝袜”                                                                        “出现这种百年难得一见的大事，惊动几名v界大佬，称其手法有拍v的绝高天赋。专家则疑问，这是压力太大还是教育变故？是社会的沦丧还是道德的败坏？”                                                                        “我靠，欧尼酱，你瞧，竟然还有这种变态！”林瑶指着电视“这种人，迟早喝水呛死！“                                                                        “咳咳咳”                                                                        这一下，刚喝水的我立刻把水吐了出来。                                                                        你他妈的。                                                                        说的是我啊！                                                                        不过。                                                                        还好，尊重了我的**，给我打了马赛克！                                                                        “咦，不对劲啊，欧尼酱，这男的穿的衣服怎么和你一样？胸口都是画着一只小鸡。”林瑶忽然好奇的看向我草泥马牌子服装。                                                                        这一说。                                                                        陈瑾萱看着我的目光也是古怪了起来。                                                                        “这”                                                                        我张大嘴巴。                                                                        有句话说，男人偷腥时智商堪比爱因斯坦，女人抓奸时推理仅次于福尔摩斯。                                                                        这他大爷的真的那么牛叉？                                                                        可突然。                                                                        “叮日常任务启动，请玩家选择下方两道问题。                                                                        :一把揉住陈瑶的屁股，说：那个电视的变态就是欧尼酱我，晚上要不要来欧尼酱房间尝试下我的变态情趣？                                                                        b：一把揉住陈瑾萱屁股，说：其实我就是那变态，晚上我们来更欢乐的体会变态的事情吧！                                                                        任务失败玩家将会遭到可怕的惩罚！”